I'm back!!

SO SORRY FOR THE LONG SPACE BETWEEN BLOGS, MY COMPUTER CRASHED AND BURNED. I AM BACK (WITH A NEW LAPTOP AND PLENTY TO SAY!) AND WILL HAVE A NEW POST FOR YOU SOON. 

SMOOCHES!

Back To School Etiquette

I need a nap right now!

With the children going back to school, I share this poem chuck full of manners reminders for children of every age.

 

 

All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten

by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need
To know about how to live
And what to do and how to be
I learned in kindergarten.
Wisdom was not at the top
Of the graduate school mountain,
But there in the sandpile at Sunday school.

These are the things I learned:

Share everything.
Play fair.
Don't hit people.
Put things back where you found them.
Clean up your own mess.
Don't take things that aren't yours.
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush.
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
Live a balanced life -
Learn some and think some
And draw and paint and sing and dance
And play and work everyday some.
Take a nap every afternoon.
When you go out into the world,
Watch out for traffic,
Hold hands and stick together.
Be aware of wonder.

12 Tips for a more polished appearance at social gatherings

I have learned by experience that because people are always watching you and making internal judgments, it is wise to be aware of your outward presentation. The little things can send a big message.


1.   Yawning-  If you are tired or in the company of boring or dull conversation try to stifle the yawn, always cover your mouth and apologize graciously for the yawn.


2.  Be aware of other people's personal space- some people prefer a little distance when engaging in conversation


3.   Staring and pointing- It is never in good taste to stare at people or to point at them. A quick  glance in their direction is fine. Pointing can make a person feel self-conscious.


4.   Gum Chewing- Mints to freshen up your breath is a better alternative.


5.   Nail biting, cracking knuckles, foot taping- these are nervous behaviors, just relax and enjoy the atmosphere.


6.    Angry outbursts- Avoid them. If the situation is too intense to address in a calm tone, take a deep breath or two and politley excuse yourself from the room until you can regain your composure.


7.   Public grooming- freshening your make up, fixing your hair, etc. in public is not appropriate. Make those adjustments in the restroom. A quick glance at yourself in your compact is fine.


8.   Loud talking- Unless you are hard of hearing, speak softly with those around you.


9.   Putting on airs-Being pretentious or snobby is unacceptable.


10.   A negative attitude or Complaining- Like a wet blanket, this behavior is very annoying and unwelcome so don’t go there. If you find yourself on the receiving end of this type of conversation try to graciously steer the conversation in a positive direction or politely excuse yourself.


11. Be complimentary of the food and beverages-  Let the Host/Hostess know you are enjoying the refreshments.


12.  Send a thank you note- Alot of time and money went into the event so let those who invited you know you appreciate being invited.




The hosts of parties and gatherings always remember polished gracious behavior and find great pleasure in inviting those guests to future events.

Bartender Etiquette

 Tom Bullock (1872 - 1964)

Tom Bullock was the first African-American to write a cocktail book, called "The Ideal Bartender" in 1917.  Bullock was the only African-American to write a cocktail book to this day according to D.J. Frienz, co-author of the reprinted version of Bullocks original work.

 Bullock was born in Louisville, Kentucky shortly after the Civil War . Bullock worked at country clubs from a very young age. Later he became to be a well-recognized bartender of the time at St. Louis Country Club, where he served drinks and cocktails for government officials and other elite members.

George Herbert Walker, grandfather of George W. Bush was one of the big fans of Bullock's cocktails, wrote the introduction to Bullock's book. He spoke of of Bullocks expertise by stating, " I have known the author for many years, and it is a privilege to be permitted to testify to his qualifications. ... In all that time I doubt that he has erred in event one of his concoctions."

Bartender Etiquette

 

1. Keep the Bar Clean
People come have cocktails, relax, and enjoy some down time. This hard to do when dirty glassware  dishes, and/or sticky bartops and tables are present. The cleanliness and organization of your bar is a DIRECT reflection of your skills and experience, so keep your area clean and presentable.

2.  Your Customers should be treated Fairly and Equally
If you’re one of those bartenders who ignores the guy waiting for 10 minutes to help a pretty girl that  just walked up to the bar, then you are being inconsiderate. The “first come first serve” approach is the best approach

3. Mind Your Own  Business
It’s easy for bartenders to overhear private conversations. Keep in mind that most customers  don’t realize that you can hear them. Keep your comments and facial expressions to yourself to avoid uncomfortable situations.

4. You Control the drink limit, Not the patron
All experienced bartenders know you have to monitor the clarity or drunkenness of an individual and make a decision whether or not you can continue to serve them drinks.
It is not fun to limit someone having a good time, but it’s part of the job. By acting responsibly, you reduce the liability of yourself and your establishment.

5.  Good Hygiene is Essential
Wash your hands regularly, shave, wear a clean and ironed uniform every day, keep your nails clean, breath mints on hand, and do not run your fingers through your hair or rub your face. If you’re ill, stay home!

Your hands and fingers should never be near the areas of the glassware that touches your customers mouth. If you have to retrieve an ice cube or a lime wedge from a cocktail, use a clean bar spoon, not your fingers.

6. Take Pride in Your Work
Take the time to learn the correct recipes for the most popular cocktails. You are always a student of mixology, staying current on new cocktails.

7. Tip Protocol
All service staff should only count tips after a shift and not in the presence of the customers.  Always take care in making sure your customer never feels pressured to leave you a tip. If you give good service and make a customer feel special, you’ll get a tip.

For Crying Out Loud

“Being considerate of others will take you further in life than a college degree." - Marian Wright Edelman

Know Your Place (Setting)

A colleague of mine attended a wedding with her husband a few years ago. At the reception when she and her husband sat down at their assigned table, she reached for her roll and the wedding guest to her left gave her an annoyed look. The dialogue went something like this:

My Friend: Oh, I'm sorry did you think this was your roll?
The Guest: Well it is isn't it?
My Friend: Actually it is not, but you can have it if you like.
(At this time the left side of the table all agreed vocally that it was his roll)
The Guest: And what makes you so sure this is your roll anyway?
My Friend:(In a continued polite soft spoken tone): Well, I'm an etiquette instructor and I do this for a living.

The silence was deafening; the man, his wife (who took his roll in error), and the other almighty defenders of this mans carb portion were embarrassed into silence. It was not my friend's intention to embarrass the gentleman, she just politely explained the reason she reached for the roll on her left because at a formal place setting she understood the set up having taught people the correct way to dine for over 20 years.  This week I share with you the elements of a proper place setting and some tricks to remember in case you are ever faced with a mutiny over a roll at a formal dinner or wedding reception. Below is a diagram of formal American/European dinner setting:

 Most of the places we dine have a more casual atmosphere where the knife, steak knife, and fork are wrapped in a napkin so if you are not familiar with it, allow me to explain (Hint: DREAM BIG you might dine with the Queen of England one day and you will need to know this).  If you saw the movie Titanic and recall the dinner scene in first class and Jack is overwhelmed with all the flatware in front of him and Molly whispers to start from the outside and work your way in. When you are dining formally, your flatware is organized according to how the courses will be served. According to the above diagram, this is the order of in which the courses will be served and the number of the flatware used I listed next to the course:


Appetizer (1)
Soup  (2)
Fish  (3,4)
Entree/Main Course (5,6)
Salad  (7,8)
Desert (10,11)

The roll (#9) is usually eaten throughout the meal so it is not listed and depending on how elaborate the meal is there might be even more flatware for more courses. This setting is on the medium light side. In formal Victorian dinners, each guest has had to use as many as 31 pieces of flatware! The above diagram is set up European style, if it were American, you may not have a fish course and the salad would be more and likely served after the soup instead of after the main course/entree.

If you sit down to a formal dinner and have a case of amnesia, here are some things to use as reminders:

If you make an "OK" sign with both your left and right hands (using the index finger and thumb, Your left had will form a small case "b"(for bread)  and your right hand a small case "d" (for drink) that is a reminder that the bread /roll to the left and the water/wine glasses to the right are yours.

Most of the items that are spelled with four letters will be to your left  (l-e-f-t)
F-o-r-k
R-o-l-l,
S-a-l-t
Most of the items to your right (r-i-g-h-t) will be spelled with five letters:
K-n-i-f-e
S-p-o-o-n
D-r-i-n-k

If you feel like Jack just remember, that you start on the outside and work your way in, the furthest utensil on your right (cocktail appetizer fork/soup spoon) is the first utensil you pick up unless there is an accompanying utensil on the left (if salad is served first, then you have a salad fork on the left and a salad knife on the right). Above all else, enjoy your meal and if there is a mutiny over a roll, let them have it and politely ask the server for another.

Bon Appetit!

Pageant Etiquette

PAGEANT ETIQUETTE

1. When you are in the audience, do not speak badly about any of the contestants. You never know if the contestant's family is sitting right behind you. Don’t speak negatively about the pageant, the pageant director and the judges might be within earshot.


2. Arrive on time, whether you’re a contestant or a guest.


3. Be respectful to each contestant by being quiet during her onstage walk or performance.

4. Clap for EVERY contestant!


5. If you’re in the audience and need to get up from your seat, please refrain from doing it  during a child’s walk onstage. Wait until the contestant has left the stage.

For Pageant Moms:


1. If you’re going to be onstage with your baby or small child, dress appropriately, and help your child to shine!


2. Even if you’re backstage or somewhere else in private, do not criticize other contestants in front of your child. It sends a negative message to impressionable children and influences your child to emulate the same behavior.


3. If you want to give cues or stand up to get a child’s attention when she’s onstage to help her, do it from the side as not to distract the audience.


4. Congratulate the winners. This is a great way to teach to your child the importance of good sportsmanship.

5. If your child is one of the pageant winners, don’t allow her  flaunt her victory front of the other contestants, but instruct her to be gracious to the other girls who competed with her. 

For Crying Out Loud

Evil communications corrupt good manners.

-Hebrew Proverb

Social Graces and the 4th amendment, the world is NOT your confessional!!!!

"I don't know what your generation's fascination is with documenting your every thought... but I can assure you, they're not all diamonds. "Roman is having an OK day, and bought a Coke Zero at the gas station. Raise the roof." Who gives a...." Mr. Griffith from the movie  "Easy A"

 
It is astounding to me how people complain constantly about Facebook and other social media  violating their privacy by making their private information vulnerable to  people who are not their "friends", yet they by their own volition constantly feel the need to  keep people updated with frivolous information. I mean really, do I need to know you had a great slice of pizza at the local pizza parlor? I see the commercials on television and if I am hungry, I will go get a slice myself.  While I am at it, no I do not need to know what you and your partner "did" last night, see inappropriate photos of you posted on your page or any other information that should be kept private. People were in an uproar a few weeks ago about potential employers asking for their Facebook passwords when they were interviewing for a job so they could look at their pages. While I know that is going too far, at the end of the day if we are posting our deepest darkest secrets for the world to see, now is not the time to start complaining about being "violated", we opened that door with our free flowing speech to violate ourselves. 


Just because we have an opinion, does not mean it needs to be publicly voiced and it certainly does not mean that we have the right to say it with cruelty and unkindness. When I read certain articles,  I am disgusted at the vile, cruel, unkind, racist and foolish things people are constantly saying in the comments section  because of the anonymity of the Internet. Wisdom dictates that some things we just need to keep to ourselves. However, the tide is turning and free speech is not as "free" as people have been led to believe. People who smear businesses are being tracked down by their computers code number and being sued. I recently attended a seminar where the head of the organization sued and won his case against two people (who he discovered later were two of  his competitors) who were falsely slandering his business. People who slam their bosses on their social media pages are finding themselves in hot water and sometimes fired. After seeing the movie The Hunger Games, a slew of teens and young adults that  tweeted racist remarks about one of the lead characters are getting into alot of trouble. The  huge backlash moved the guilty parties to quickly shut down their twitter accounts.


When the "founding fathers" spoke of 4th amendment rights, I do not believe it was meant to be used to speak whatever is on our minds at the moment. The provision was made so that people could stand for what was right without fear of being jailed or killed, not so nateisgreat28 or discoqueen227 can leave a scathing remark or comment and not be found out. If we really value our privacy like we say we do, then it is time we reinstate our self respect, stop using the world as our confessional and take measures to keep our private lives private and not ask our social media "friends" to raise the roof every time we do something trivial.  If we want the social media sites and the web to stop violating our privacy, then we have to stop giving them reasons to. Would it not be better to utilize our 4th amendment rights on the global stage for more noble causes that elevate and empower people? With that in mind go freely enjoy your coke zero and that slice of pizza tweet free! 

Gambling Etiquette

You gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, know when to walk away, and know when to run.

 -Kenny Rogers (The Gambler).

•  Understand the rules before you sit down.
  
  
• Only buy or cash in chips between hands.
  
  
• When you buy in, the dealer may ask what denomination of chips you prefer. You should know that red chips are $5, greens are $25, and blacks are $100. Some high limit tables have additional colors.
  
  
• When you cash out, the dealer's preference is for you to trade in smaller denominations of chips for large ones.
  
  
• If the cards are dealt face up, never touch your cards.
  
  
• If the cards are dealt face down then only touch your cards with one hand.
  
  
• Never touch your bet once the first card has been dealt. Wait until the hand is over.
  
  
• Do not drink excessively, it is wise to be sober when money is at stake!
  
  
• Do not ask the dealer for advice. Remember they work for the "House" not you!
  
  
• Do not solicit pity if you have a bad hand, everyone has experienced this at one time or another. (Practice your "poker face" ahead of time as  you don't want to give yourself away every time being the obvious sourpuss!)
  
  
• The tipping rule is more up to your judgement than the other rules of etiquette. A good tip should be 2/3 based on how friendly and helpful the dealer is and 1/3 on how much your wins/losses are. Even if you lose, still tip if the dealer has been trying to make the experience enjoyable. 
  
  
• Some games, especially blackjack, involve hand signals to signify how you want to play your cards. You must use hand signals, verbal instructions are not enough. Please know them before you sit down. The hand signals in blackjack when the cards are dealt face up:
  • Hit: Tap the table.
  • Stand: Wave your hand, palm open, parallel to the table.
  • Double/Split: Place your matching bet next to, never on top of, your original bet. If you have two fours or two fives, you should hold up one finger if you are doubling, and two fingers if you are splitting.
  
  
  The hand signals in blackjack when the cards are dealt face down:
  • Hit: Lightly scrape the corner of the cards against the felt.
  • Stand: Slide your cards under your bet. Do not lift your chips in the process.
  • Double/Split: Place your cards face up on the table, just above your bet. Then place your matching bet next to, never on top of, your original bet. If you have two fours or two fives, you should hold up one finger if you are doubling, and two fingers if you are splitting.
  
  
  If you lose then lay down your cards face up by your bet. Do not throw them in disgust,  it is very rude and distracting. If you can’t handle losing, then it would be wise to find another activity that is more enjoyable and does not involve losing money!

For Crying Out Loud

Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot.

 

Clarence Thomas

Geisha Etiquette for Tourists

The Blog "Japan Visitor" has provided some guidelines to follow when you encounter Geisha's in Japan:

Geisha Etiquette for Tourists

Camera-wielding tourists from around the world have become more and more aggressive in stalking Kyoto's geisha.

As at the Tsukiji fish market - which just recently let tours back in after banning them because of the many problems caused by the visitors - Kyoto's Gion and Pontocho areas have in recent years been swamped with ever more tourists. Unfortunately, many of these tourists seem to lose any sense of restraint in the presence of frozen tuna or geisha.

Like the fish mongers and auctioneers in Tokyo, Kyoto's geisha (and their clients) are none too happy. Unlike Tsukiji, however, banning tourists from these areas is not an option.

To combat the pushy foreigners, and protect the women, patrols have been created to escort the geisha from tea house to tea house.

A bit of common sense and restraint, though, could solve the problem.

When visiting Kyoto, try to keep in mind the following:

1. Gion, Pontocho, etc. are not theme parks. The women are not dressed up for you.
2. The geisha are working. They will not pose for photos. They are going to an appointment. They are on a schedule. Stay out of their way.
3. Never touch the geisha. It takes hours - literally - to get dressed and prepare for an evening.
4. Never follow them.
5. Do not go into a tea house or private residence.
6. Respect their space. Do not thrust your camera inches from a geisha's face or body.
7. Take your picture and move on.

You are not on a safari in search of a cheetah. Stroll, enjoy the vibe of the neighborhood, take a few pictures from a respectful distance, then go out for dinner and a beer.

That should clear things up!

Profiles In Manners and Public Displays of Social Graces

John Jacob Astor IV

In remembrance of the 100 year anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic, I chose to recognize John Jacob Astor IV. He was said to be the wealthiest man on the Titanic, but it also seems he had a generous heart as well. Not only did he give up his place on  the lifeboat next to his wife to make room for someone else, he took drastic measures to save the life of a fourteen year old boy who was not allowed to board a life boat. The now defunct Warsaw Times newspaper dated April 20, 1912 gives this account:

"Captain Chase F. Crain, U.S.A., one of Carpathia’s passengers, said that one of  the survivors, a boy fourteen years of age, told him that he owed his life to Colonel Astor. The boy’s story, as repeated by Captain Crain, was that when he tried to get into a lifeboat the sailors pushed him back with: “You’re not a girl.”

Colonel Astor, the boy said, happened to be near, saw this and picking up from the deck a girls hat, jammed it on the boys head and watching his chance pushed him into the boat with the women."

Heroic acts that save someones life  in my humble opinion are of far more importance than any social protocols that are violated in the process.

To read the entire article click here.

For crying out loud!!!

A man's manners are a mirror in which he shows his portrait.  

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Celebrities with Good Manners DO Exist! The National League of Junior Cotillions says so!

The National League of Junior Cotillions (NLJC) has selected its “Ten Best Mannered People,” individuals it considers “outstanding role models of good manners.” (Lord knows we need them!)


The top 10 well mannered celebrities of 2011 are as follows:


1. Kate Middleton,  The Duchess of Cambridge – “for the poise and dignity with which she conducts herself in the public spotlight.” and “the exemplary manner in which she has conducted herself, before and after her marriage to Prince William of Great Britain,” explains NLJC national director Elizabeth Anne Winters.

2. Justin Bieber – “for consistently showing courtesy to his fans.”

3. Paula Abdul – “for her encouragement to aspiring entertainers.”

4. Aaron Rogers – “for being a positive example for young athletes.”

5. Taylor Swift – “for inspiring young people with her music and her manners.”

6. George Stephanopoulos – “for extending warmth and kindness to Good Morning America guests.”

7. Jackie Evancho – “for demonstrating humility and politeness as a young performer.”

8. Erin Burnett – “for the respect she shows others as a network host.”

9. Emma Watson – “for the kindness extended to her Harry Potter fans.”

10. Tim Tebow – “for displaying good sportsmanship on and off the field.”


I look forward to finding out who makes the list for 2012 and ill behaved reality show faux-lebrities need not apply!

For Crying Out Loud

Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.

Ralph Waldo Emerson 

Please, Say thank you Part 2- "THANK YOU" NOTES

 

How to write  a "Thank You" note.

Step 1 — Greeting
Step 2 — Express your gratitude for the gift, invitation, job interview, etc.
Step 3 — Elaborate (if you say something specific about the act or gift, your sentiments are much more heart felt)
Step 4 — Compliment and look ahead (“I enjoyed your company for lunch and you looked wonderful! I can’t wait to start reading this book you gave me.”)
Step 5 — Restate your gratitude (a simple,  “thank you or thanks again” is sufficient)
Step 6 — Close and give your regards (love, sincerely, warm regards, etc.)

******ANNOUNCEMENT******* MANNERS COURSE IN ONTARIO, CA STARTING Feb 5th 2012 ******SECOND COURSE ADDED*******

Miss Edna has been informed by Maura Graber that a new course has been added on Sundays  and there is still time to enroll. Click on "Upcoming Classes" above for more details.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

SPREAD THE LOVE!!!!

For Crying Out Loud



Gratitude is the most exquisite form of courtesy.

-Jacques Maritan

Profiles In Manners and Public Displays of Social Graces

Some may be surprised at my selection of Marylin Monroe, but I chose her because despite the drama that surrounded her and her unpredictable behavior, she  at times demonstrated the art of gratitude. One gentleman she was working with on a movie she had been keeping late to assist her to the annoyance of his wife. She sent a dozen roses to his wife with a card apologizing for keeping him late but also thanking her for letting her borrow him to complete the project. When her needs infringed on the priorities of others, I have read the accounts of those who worked with her that  she at times expressed gratitude in different ways from flowers, to gifts, to thank you notes.

Below is a thank you note she sent  expressing her gratitude for a bottle of Champagne.

One does not always have to have a perfect life to display moments of good social graces, in fact, our imperfections can at times endear us to people more as Marilyn at times demonstrated.

******ANNOUNCEMENT******* MANNERS COURSE IN ONTARIO, CA STARTING Feb 5th 2012

Miss Edna's colleague, Maura Graber has a class starting Sunday Feb 5th, 2012. Click on "Upcoming Classes" above for more information

For Crying Out Loud

“I always tell my kids, you don’t have to be the best at sports, the smartest, the best at math, but you do have to have the best manners,”

Kelly Rippa

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012